Looking out my window…
It’s been a week since I returned from Durham and I’m already planning another visit.
Bella texted to check up on me, and I ended up calling her back and we were on the phone all night. If I can remember, I hung up the phone at 4:30 that morning.
Prior to that my longest phone conversation was with a US shipping agency trying to arrange for my Radiohead anthology album to be sent to my house. That took 20 minutes. This phone call went for 6 hours.
More than anything I think we’re just great friends. She’s an amazingly beautiful person inside and out. I feel like she know’s me better that anyone in my life….the profound impact she’s having on me is quite unexpected. She’s kind of helping me get out of a slump that I was in for a while. Grappling with self confidence and stuff. The ush… She’s not judgemental in the slightest and I feel completely at ease when with her. This is something I don’t often feel with someone so early after meeting them. I’m typically a shy sort of person, people need to work at me for extended periods of time with a fine toothed comb to try and ‘crack the shell’. Probably explains why I only have a handfull of close friends. People just give up too easily. I suppose I don’t give them any reason to want to keep trying..
I’ve started to realise now that my biggest downfall is that once I finally allow people to get close to me, I don’t want to lose them. This probably explains my…somewhat melodramatic reactions to breakups and loss.
However. From the get go Bella has been nothing but open and so, overwhelmingly generous in her affections to me that she makes me feel….special. appreciated as a person. I’ve never really had that before.
I think I might give her a ring, check up on how all the old fellas are holding up at the RSL.
I’m at my desk. Alone, looking out my window. The sun is streaking in across the wooden blinds onto my face, warming me.
The thought of her warms me too.
